women like to choose the shampoo which insults them the most
"for broken, greasy, destroyed, fucked up hair which makes you look ugly as shit"
it's for me
Asad 👍
thanks
Asad Hahaha that was by accident
Kabir huh weird that's true tho
I guess "because if it can even fix fucked up fugly hair, it can also fix my hair" is the thought
I wonder what the response would be if you stick an ONLY at the end
For people with greasy, fucked up hair that makes you ugly as shit. You’ve also gained weight and you will forever be lONLeY.
Asad Your hair isn't that greasy
all the girls that are half russian are literally so pretty
nice to know that if I have a daughter she'll be hot
maybe it just skips a generation
Asad The other half needs to add something as well 😛
I'm thinking black
blyack
Lev all kids are mixed race kids if you're racist enough
Kabir look at this photograph
Asad good times
who is the girl on the left
Asad S— M— or sth
Kabir lol "or sth"
lad why pretend that you don't know her exact name and the last 7 addresses she stayed at
"S— M— or sth"
"SSN was ••••••••• or sth"
"tel +1 ••• ••• ••••"
...
or sth
Asad she's actually my wife or sth
Lev when she was a child she dreamed of being a vet but her father forced her to put down their family dog to prove that she had what it took and she never recovered from that
or sth
Lev when your mom does a bang bus episode everyone on the bus joins in
Asad When your mom does bang bus, the title is the plot
Kabir what
the title is the plot regardless of who is on the bang bus
hahahaha
Kabir setting and premise in one phrase
setting: bus
premise: you bang on the bus
bang bus
Asad Antagonist: bus
Kabir protagonist: bang
Asad Premise: his mom bangs bus
indian guy did it better cause he showed his gut for one of the frames
but when he does it, it's funny and relatable
when I do it, I'm begging for attention
Asad Are you subtly flexing a lack of gut? Smort
Lev don't mind her asad she's just begging for attention
yes, it wasn't enough that I had to show off my meme skills
I also had to brag about my 8-pack
Lev yeah that 8 pack of tortellini you eat every night
kabir, in my mind you’re a mix of Jake the Dog and donald glover
Kabir why you trying to make me blush
Asad How much did Kabir pay you off with, Renn?
This is highly suspect
what a surprise, I think my friends are cool
Kabir girl
for the last time
Tommy Hilfiger is not Tommy Hilfinger
You’re not making any sense
What does hilfiger even mean
Asad What does hilfinger mean?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Asad It means one lucky wife, amirite ladies
not if that's singular
Kabir hilthreefingers
guys did you know that there's porn roasts of porn stars
where they watch a pornstar's movies and make fun of them
it's hilarious
Lev liiiiiink
Kabir yikes
can I send a pornhub link here
let's see
[pornhub link]
FBI pls don't @ me
Asad That sounds hilarious
Also is that really why you went to Pornhub?
irrelevant
Kabir Classic renn
Goes onto internet because she's vaguely horny
finds comedy instead
Kabir renn
do you eat hot chip & lie
Lev do you wash you pussy in the sink and charge yo phone
Kabir do u pop pills, smoke week, lie around, and be bisexual
Asad Renn's the hottest potato there is
I do some of these things
Kabir Sounds like ur a girl born post-1993
did you guys go on a side adventure without me
guess who stole their bike back, bitchess
Asad Aw hell yeah
So badass
Where was it?
the idiot who stole it lives just down the street
it wasn’t even locked to anything
Asad Woowwww
What a genius
Lev did you just get drunk and forget it?
sometimes
astoundingly
i am sober
and good things happen
Asad Friends, I was having a thought as I was listening to the pretty swell playlist
We have pretty much the same taste in songs (in terms of the songs themselves) but you guys tend to err heavily on the side of alt, folk, lo-fi type cover versions of most rock songs etc. that I might listen to
Which is an interesting take, dunno what to make of it
Like for e.g. I loooove Reptilia by The Strokes. However, the playlist has Reptilia by Andrew Combs (which is the same song but completely different feel)
Lev we're gentler souls than you Asad
you are the raw distorted amp spirit that flies above us
while we must hide behind the hearty twangs of a guy in a straw hat chewing on 14 stalks of wheat at once
and kabir is the mole person who lives underground, only hearing the bassy shadows of the songs that play so freely in the outside air
confusing the thunderous shifts of plates in the crust for rhythms that accompany what he hears from the surface
Got the second part of my sleep
But I swear I woke up because I heard someone eating cereal in the kitchen
Kabir sorry
I was hunger
Asad what was the source of the cereal eating noise, Renn?
Do you have a CEREAL KILLER in the house/
Omg I can' believe this is happening, a terrible pun coming to life, its like a dream come true
Lev bro my daily routine has changed exactly 0 amount
except instead of watching naked attraction with renn it's with niharika and carl
Asad Pretty much the same dude
I am not going to school but otherwise exact same routine
Wish we were all quarantined together tho
Kabir Asad why don't you actually fly over
I hereby invite you... to Lev's house
Lev I do feel like ya'll motherfuckers are missing the point of self isolation
Asad renn, is Kabir being totally insufferable?
Also if need you to share all these sordid escapades, that'll be great thanks
Kabir There was no sordidity, was an exceedingly wholesome trip
5/7 perfect score
We saw coral, fish, a 500 year old tree. Crashed a motorbike and made renn scared of bikes (sorry renn)
They got terribly sunburnt, classic
Lev no shit, what happened with the bike crash?
Kabir we died.
Kabir coffee? no thanks.
I receive all the energy I need by charging my butthole in the sunlight
Asad hahahahahahahahahahha
Don't want my butt to get tanned though
Kabir Do not abandon your Anus in the Dark, Asad
what the fuck is this chat anymore
Kabir You sound cranky
Didn't get enough buttsun this morning?
Asad Renn refers to her butt as Capri
So she can go around asking everyone for a CapriSun without judgement
But we're judging you
no I say ButtSun
asking for a CapriSun somehow sounds more embarrassing
Asad We're out now and will come back accordingly
Lev Out doing lame things
I bet it's super awkward
And that renn cries all the time
Lame things you’re not a part of
Kabir Bruv
Time of my life
Lev Why is the steering wheel on the wrong side
Kabir This ain't limeland
Lev Also asad look at the fucking road
Yeah this isn't lime land
So why is it on the right side
Is shit mirrored?
Don't phones unmirror shit nowadays?
Off to have fun without you byeee
Lev Alright, see you guys on the coast of the aegean in 3 hours
Asad y'all coming together then?
Lev Guess so
I'm kinda disappointed none of you called me out on the aegean thing
Asad didn't really care about reading what you wrote
same
Lev :c
Asad renn, you are so cool!
no, asad
YOU are cool
Asad it is true
I'm the cause of all this snow.
FYI, there is no snow :(
I have no Spotify, so I have to send you songs on Facebbok like a fucking animal
Lev what am I, a fucking peasant? Get your shit together and get back on spotify.
buy me a computer and a subscription
Kabir hey. proxies do exist.
Asad Proxies are for the weak.
And porn.
Lev, do you know what you are?
A fucking pheasant
AW GOD, THAT WAS SO PIMP
15 Sept 2013 · via tumblr Asad Twerkin' that hurricane!
It turned out all okay
Lev What does twerkin' even mean?
Kabir If you don't know twerk it means you can't twerk
so you should twerk your ass right outta here
(I also do not know)
Asad it's moving your booty
Lev oh, so that's the name of that
good to know that Asad continued his habit of shaking his ass at things that frighten him.
Kabir to be fair it is a viable method of propulsion
Asad This is the most pussy thing uve ever done lev
Lev I don't know, there was that one time I sodomized you
I think that's probably the most pussy thing anyone has done
;/
I don't want to hear about your saturday nights, guys
Lev hey
no
saturdays are for going out with people I like
I sodomize Asad on tuesdays
because what the fuck ever happens on a tuesday?
Asad sodomy
that's what
Lev why are you sleep deprived?
Asad a mixture of jet lag and sickness
im about to crash
hoping it goes away tomorrow
Lev it's good thing you didn't crash in the plane at least
cause then everyone would think all packies are terrorists
...wait
Lev Oh yeah
happy anniversary of your womb jailbreak
What is it now? 21?
That's a lot of years of cuntery
Asad thats the nicest wish anyone's ever given
Asad apparently something was taken from you recently
Lev yes
someone stole all the shit from my ass
and named it Asad
and now it's talking to me
Asad thats just dumb
why would you say something like that
That's like saying someone took the accumulated ballhairs from the bathroom and compiled it into you
Oh no, wait, that's totally believable
Lev It's an entire country made out of chocolate, honey, and not giving a shit
Kabir I like that third part
Asad totally not suited for lev
since shitting is pretty much all he does
Lev I take very reasonable shits
it's my angry birds playing that sends things into overtime
Kabir Have you been flinging your turds at peoples' carefully stacked toilet paper rolls again?
THIS ISNT A GODDAMNED GAME
Lev Goddammit, emancipator is in london when im not there
Asad no one gives a shit lev
here here
Kabir This is no time for roulette, Asad
WE HAVE PUNNING TO DO
Asad The title of your documentary: The Stone Collector
Lev I don't get it
Kabir I think he was just offering what he thought was a cool name
Lev oh
Jesus
the one time the subject is actually puns
and he cocked it up
Asad also you should go to legoland!!!
Lev you should suck my dick
Asad im serious
do you even know what it is?
its an entire theme park made out of lego
Lev your mom is an entire theme park made out of dicks
Asad thats just rude
Lev titties
Kabir such rude
Lev titties
Kabir all the rude
Lev titties
Asad whaddup gay frogs?
Kabir Did asad just say 'gay frogs'?
Lev yes
Kabir What the hell does that mean
Lev that's the mating call
for gay frogs
he was just trying to find a date for prom
Kabir gay frog prom
huh
new story idea
Lev new erotic story idea*
Asad also stop being indecent
noone wants to see your penis
literally no one
HAHAHHA
Lev did you just laugh at your own joke?
dude...
Asad it's a fun story to tell
like it's fun to say that you met one of your greatest friends in a toilet
Lev it's a better to tell people that my current friend IS a toilet
Lev roboman represents who I am on the inside
Asad a cardboard robot?
Lev yes
how fitting
Asad HAHHAHA OH RENN
fitting
cause things fit in boxes
that was brilliant! :D
Lev I...oh jesus
figured you'd appreciate it
Lev it's like you hit rock bottom
but then
you didn't stop
you just kept going
Asad Christmas eve has turned white
the most racist colour
Lev why don't we have the perfect word for retarded?
Asad we do
Lev I tried thinking of one
Asad its called Lev
Lev but my mind just kept screaming "Asad"
goddamn it
I had a whole set up and shit
Kabir But yes
I've got the mocha fever
Asad dont ever call it that
Kabir That's not a thing
But
Lev loca for that mocha
Asad did you ever get the pictures?
Lev Asad, no one wants your dick pics
Asad i sent those ones to lev's.mom@cougartown.com
Kabir apostrophes are illegal in email addresses
Lev wins by default
Sorry Asad
believability is key when insulting others
Lev dude
Asad
what the fuck
Kabir ...Have you been using google?
Lev what
the
fack
Asad are my stalking skills scaring you?
Lev we told you to stop using google, Asad
that shit'll make your teeth fall out
and your dick turn into a wrinkly mess, like a sausage left in the sun
I've got 33 new notifications
he liked every single one of my profile pictures
even the ones I'm not in
Asad :O
omg
somebody lurrvess you!
somebody wants to have my head in his freezer
Kabir Shit, Lev got on the front page of reddit!
Asad HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
LEV
you are so fucking weird!
And it's about shitting
Why am I not surprised
wait, when kabir was in lev's bathroom, were you there?
Asad no, but I wished I was
Kabir ...
Asad well, not in the bathroom
but somewhere
nearby
Lev that's the creepiest thing you've ever said
Kabir "yeah, I heard you guys had fun and I wish I could be there, looking through the window"
Kabir So, crude oil is burning on the West Coast
Chevron:
"Whoooooops"
Lev "Oh shit, did I spill that?"
Asad Stop ejaculating your black sperm on the west coast maaaang
Lev The Black Sperm would make a good pirate ship name
Lev fucking hell, is racewalking actually a sport?
Kabir It's really hard
A guatemalan won the first gold for his country in it
And it is absurdly tough
Lev I can imagine it's hard
it must take a lot of effort to look ~that stupid doing something
Kabir You need to have god hips
Asad Shakira would be awesome at it
Lev She wins a gold medal in the giving me a boner competition, though
runner up
Asad's mom
Kabir : /
Asad fuck you
Kabir it is a book
that will teach me things
Lev "A dummy's guide to tantric masturbation"
Asad hahahahha
or how to get an erection :P
Kabir It's organic chem
And I dont need no guide to get an erection, foo'
I snapped a photo of your mom.
Lev oh shieeeeeeeeet
Kabir OOOOOHHH SNAAAPS
Lev BEST GET ICE FOR DAT BURN, BOY
Kabir GET THAT OINTMENT, SON--'FORE THIS SHIT GOES SECOND DEGREE
Lev BEST MAKE AN APPOINTMENT AT A TANNING SALON CUZ HE JUST BEAT YO ASS WHITE
Asad I came across a shoppe here called Lev Antique. Reminded me of how old and fat you are.
Lev Really? I came across a shop called "Asad". Didn't remind me of anyone.
Asad fuck that was awesome
im gonna end on a high note here
nightio
Kabir That was the lowest note
anyone could possibly end on
Lev not only was it a low note
it was also flat
Asad You're just jealous guyzz
Kabir it's true, I am jealous
everyday I'm just like,
"Man, why can't I be as bad at jokes as Asad"
Lev He's been working really hard at it all summer
Asad i am sending you this song on spotify
which you shall enjoy on your noice speakers
Lev sounds sketch
are you trying to trick me into sex again?
It might have worked the first dozen times
but I am no baker
it shan't work for the thirteenth
Asad sounds delic
Kabir I think I just vomited a rainbow
Asad i think i just vomited at that reference
Asad I do not approve of my name being used as a unit of gayness
that is unacceptable
Kabir you just belted out 2.4 Asads
Asad i dont like you
Kabir What! Don't blame me, blame this Asad-o-meter
Lev I think you mean 2.4 centiAsads
nothing can surpass 1 Asad
without going into critical gayness
Lev do you know where you'd be living if you stayed here?
Kabir no
i'll have to craigslist it
Asad in your vagine
Lev so you don't have anywhere to live here, either?
how are you the most disorganized fucker?
Asad vagineeeeeeeeeeee
Asad you've been so abusive lately Asad
Lev that time of the month?
for your vajean?
Asad You're the second person who's asked me that today
Asad stop ruining this
Pun Times is a spoiler free zone.
Lev What, Asad's gonna watch Breaking Bad?
should be called Phun Times
Asad yes
ok maybe
but you should still respond to it
Lev that was the wrong order
it should have been "maybe, ok yes"
Asad FUCK
YOU
Asad i have a friend over
... not anympre :(
Kabir I read that as
'not vampyre'
and thought
'Oh, that's unfortunate.'
Kabir How do you enjoy the beauty of Iron Sky
But not like 300?
300 was a fucking visual masterpiece
with a simple, resonant story
Asad lack of boobs
Kabir Stop smearing ketchup on your crotch
I know you love it
but, have some decency, man
Lev but you don't have to ~love it
Asad i got called Professor Asad too Lev
so you suck my ketchupy dick
Asad Rennnnnnnn
Are you back homeeeeee?
yess
and it's oh so awesome
I had cheesecake for dinner and haven't gotten up from bed since I came here
Kabir And Renn--I assume you've already gotten someone to sign you into spotify?
yes, lev did it and I'm happy again
Lev a phrase uttered by many a woman
Asad in your dreams
Kabir Yep, every time you leave
Kabir so many elongated vowels
Asad Kabir, you hate them, don't youuuuuuuuuuuuu?
Kabir It's like I'm having a conversation with ghosts
Helooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooOOOooOOOoOOooo
Iiiii aaaaam toooo faaat fooor theeee aaafteeer liiiifie
Lev good thing I never met them, then
or that'd be pretty sad news
Asad for them
over such a disappointing failure that you are
Kabir Yeah
and also how fat
you guyss
can't we just get along?
Lev fuck you, Renn
Kabir I am an assassin
This is my rifle
Asad This is my gun
Kabir This is for fighting
~This is for fun.
(I'm talking about my penis)
(For both things.)
And he shall be flogged for this treachery
Asad can i get in on that flogging? ;)
Ew. No.
Asad i dont know what flogging means exactly
let me google it
OH MY GOD
Lev It's nice to be appreciated.
Kabir dont get too happy
youre still fat
Asad so fat
Lev fat in the pride section of my brain
Asad Is that why you look so fake all the time?
if by fake you mean fabulous
then yes
Asad nope
just fake
;(
why must we always do this, asad
Asad Reeinnnnnnnnn
There was an earthquake up in Bulgaria?
yup, it was in Sofia though, and I'm on the other end of the country
what's happening to europe, first italy, then western bulgaria...
OH MY GOD, IT'S COMING FOR ME
Asad lets watch sth cooo
Lev Asad, stop abbreviating words in retarded ways
Asad I cnt stp
Lev I hate you
Kabir -ikl.yui7uuyi,.,.,m,njmnmnmnn c
'/.÷..÷.≥./?'[';/'['[;/refrreeeeeerffrrrreerrreeeeeeereftttryrgryryhgtrytytyyytytgrrtfrrerffffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfeedrweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiii8uoiippo000
Sorry
Cleaning keyboard
Asad Umm, i didn't need to know that
kabir, ewwww
kabir
the ending of the second to last episode of breaking bad was so awesome
I literally couldn't concentrate on anything else for the rest of the day
cause everything seemed less intense by comparison
Asad You could say you were broken up about it, badly!
JAJAJAJAJJAJAAJJAJAJAJA
I could say that, asad
but I won't
Kabir if i recall correctly, that girl that you hooked up with was hispanic, no? :P
Lev no...
was she?
I don't think so
Black and Irish I think
Kabir she's blackanese
like the team from Rush Hour
Asad WOW LEV
YOU DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT SHE WAS
WAS SHE EVEN A WOMAN?