161 entries

Kabir

did you know that gambling is the deadliest vice

did you know that gambling is the deadliest vice
Kabirwhat, over erotic asphyxiation? I think not
that’s not a vice, that’s just being kinky and cool
Kabirerotic asphyxiation is kinky and cool
autoerotic asphyxiation is embarrassing
sometimes if you want a job done well
you just gotta tie yourself to the doorknob

airbnb review.

the airbnb hosts left us a nice review
high five for being excellent guests
Levbetter than what the costa rica guy left us
which was a tepid acknowledgement that we had in fact lived at his house
oof
after all the intimate conversations you had over the phone
Levseriously
Kabirlmao what was is
"yeah they were here I guess"
next to a full 5 star review
"I cannot deny that they resided on the presmises"
LevI think it was literally "Lev and his friends stayed at the place and had a great time"
like he managed to pat himself on the back in his review of us

about a girl.

Kabirgonna see a man about a girl
ok no
I'm gonna see a girl about a girl
but the girl is the girl I'm seeing the girl about
Levthat makes it sound like you're going to a brothel
KabirI'm gonna see a girl
wait is that what that saying means
I thought that was you asking a girl's dad to propose to her
Levthe saying is I'm going to see a man about a horse
you absolute donkey
Kabiro
lol
horse*

you gotta commit renn

Kabiryou gotta commit renn
we die in central america
only by jaguar
Kabiror by motorbike
more likely of the two
thats so 2011
Kabirboi that was 2019
y'all had to go home
And leave me to win epic kicking competitions on TV in bangkok
we let you spread your wings and fly free
and fly you did
but.. with kicks

shampoo.

women like to choose the shampoo which insults them the most
"for broken, greasy, destroyed, fucked up hair which makes you look ugly as shit"
it's for me
Asad👍
thanks
AsadHahaha that was by accident
Kabirhuh weird that's true tho
I guess "because if it can even fix fucked up fugly hair, it can also fix my hair" is the thought
I wonder what the response would be if you stick an ONLY at the end
For people with greasy, fucked up hair that makes you ugly as shit. You’ve also gained weight and you will forever be lONLeY.
AsadYour hair isn't that greasy

pie dreams.

I wonder how long it takes to send you guys a care package
a crumble can last for about a week or so
KabirThat would be a very cute package
That said there's a place nearby called Pie Dreams
They do strawberry rhubarb but also savory pies like Cheeseburger
if their rhubarb strawberry pie is better than my crumble I will not be okay

therapy.

I guess it's a small price to pay for premium dick
Kabiris it premium though
it belongs to a man who considered "gecko therapy" for his twin incest problem rather than going to a therapist
Levwhats a therapist gonna say
Kabir"bruh"
they don't wanna hear that
they want to talk to the gecko pls
Levtbh
everyone says to see a therapist
but like
those mangs be winging it
toxic men will literally bang their own sister instead of going to therapy
Levi will go to therapy to teach me tools to be able to cope so that i may continue banging my sister
what do you want, a manual?
Kabirno, a prescription
Leva sister
mostly

ballertown, usa.

you are on your music game lately
where are you finding these songs
Kabirballertown, usa
where I was born and where I live
I want to visit
but I'm stuck in lameberg
Kabiroof idk if we give people visas if they're traveling from there
I'll pull some strings
thanks
you're always welcome in lameberg
it may not be as cool
but it sure has more people

date convo.

KabirHAHAHA
The complete lack of interest in the "oh so you're in coding" is deep and real
Levthats why i always say im in robotics
so the disinterest can be fine tuned
Kabirgood escape hatch
for me it's like
her: Oh so you're in coding? cool cool *obviously not cool*
me: oh but just not any coding
me: it's also FINANCE
her: coolcoolcoolcool
the word cool at 1.6 gigahertz
Lev
you: in payment processing
her: coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool *air starts to thump as she takes off and glides away to join a news chopper passing overhead*

shript.

Kabirthe shrimp wasn't even hidden that time
a true expression of trust
you know it
I know you won't mistreat my shript
and so I wear it on my sleeve
also how did I fuck up the spelling of shrimp so badly
Kabirya spelling got straight shript, homie
s h r i p t
KabirSH🪦RIP🪦T

acme.

Kabiryou get it from FEMA?
Levno
acme
KabirI can perfectly hear you pronounce this
"ack-mé"
truly infuriating
Levwhat you want me to pronounce it ack-mee like we are fucking road runners disappearing into a painting of a a tunnel
the fuck outta here
Kabiryea bitch cause it's how you pronounce the word
you can't just not pronounce it right because it's affiliated with a property you don't like
"no it's not super, fuck superman he's lame, it's sūpër"

twimst.

l o n g u e c a t t e
Kabirhe twimst
you know you can actually get a cat like this
I think they're called savannah cats
no guarantee he twimst tho
Kabirunfortunately I need 100% certainty of twimst
get one and test
if he twon't, give him to me
Kabirare you ready for that kind of commitment tho
boi I will marry that cat

rennjamin.

KabirI expected the great Rennjamin R. Franklin to proudly go against the grain
Levwhat's the R stand for?
KabirRennjamin
Levit's Rennjamin Rennjamin Franklin?
Kabiryea
with a name like that
I will not only go against the grain
I am the grain
Kabirhold on
isn't being the grain the opposite of going against the grain
'I will not only be cold'
'I will be hot'
yea
Kabiryea

pumpkin.

look at this pumpkin
Kabir...
either you
or I
don't know what a pumpkin is

or sth.

Kabirlook at this photograph
Asadgood times
who is the girl on the left
AsadS— M— or sth
Kabirlol "or sth"
lad why pretend that you don't know her exact name and the last 7 addresses she stayed at
"S— M— or sth"
"SSN was ••••••••• or sth"
"tel +1 ••• ••• ••••"
...
or sth
Asadshe's actually my wife or sth
Levwhen she was a child she dreamed of being a vet but her father forced her to put down their family dog to prove that she had what it took and she never recovered from that
or sth

low effort.

Leveyyy
Kabirboi
low effort
Kabirlow effort
high impact
Levnickname for my penis
well
more of a catchphrase
Kabira nice alternative for two pump chump
LOW EFFORT HIGH IMPACT BAYBEEE
*ejaculates sadly*

eugenics.

"How not to kill twenty houseplants"
a book I've never read
KabirI guess you were gone for a while
I hate to say it renn, but...
they died of sadness
":c" - 50% of your plants' last words
I managed to propagate a lot of them
soon their babies will replace them
Kabir":c" - your plants in the afterlife, hearing how you're just gonna replace them with their babies
Levthis is eugenics
but instead of breeding for the strongest
you're just breeding for who can numb themselves against the world the best
look at me, I'm Lev
when my friend is doing eugenics
I panik
but when it brings me the modern watermelon
i sleep

baguette.

oh I get it now
Kabirwait do you
no :/
Kabirbecause seemed like the joke was mostly the nonsequiturness
I think Lev wanted to make it a burn
but didn't know how to use the baguette part
Levi know plenty well how to handle a baguette thank you very much
bitch you can handle a breadstick at most
Levgirl you can call me olive garden because the breadsticks are infinite and substandard
you can call me taco bell because one night with me will make you hate yourself all weekend

bang bus.

Levwhen your mom does a bang bus episode everyone on the bus joins in
AsadWhen your mom does bang bus, the title is the plot
Kabirwhat
the title is the plot regardless of who is on the bang bus
hahahaha
Kabirsetting and premise in one phrase
setting: bus
premise: you bang on the bus
bang bus
AsadAntagonist: bus
Kabirprotagonist: bang
AsadPremise: his mom bangs bus

apple bottom.

What do you think Apple Bottom Jeans are
Levapple bottom jeans are things that go with
the boots with the furrrrr
and make the whole club be looking at herrrr
I tell you what
The whole club might be looking at her
But not me
That just sounds like a terrible outfit
Kabiryea
unless she got a butt that slaps I guess
I think it’s implied it does indeed slap
KabirBut idk your scenario I think was equally hilarious to me though renn
Apple butt?
🍎
That but either belongs to someone born with just one leg
or like a mermaid
Nah man
An Apple butt is tight and supple
Kabir🍑= normal 2 leg human
🍎 = crackless monstrosity

naked attraction.

Levrenn
there is a german naked attraction
woooooo
I will translate for everyone
Kabirthe language of nudity and slight arousal is universal
I cannot emphasise enough how asexual this show feels
Levyeah its amazing how effectively it removes any possibility of a boner

moccasins.

Levwhy didn't you drive your own car?
Kabirthe drive to Oakland is one I've done so many times
it's so boring that my subconscious would ask for death
wow getting an uber to a place cause you're too bored to drive is a different kind of bougie
Kabirit wasn't just because I was bored
it's because I had misplaced my driving moccasins as well
Levwhy didn't you ask your valet to find them for you?
KabirI did, but he failed
he has since been terminated
just go to the mocacasin concierge
Levjust ask your emergency cordwainer to make a new pair, no?
Kabirobviously but the man can only work so fast
I should have a new pair in time for my travels

new years eve.

Levare yall doing midnight on the beach?
Kabircurfew
Levoh shit ye
thats good for me so i can call in
wwwww you misss usssss
Kabiraw you miss
me
specifically
admit it to yourself lev
Levaww you miss
me
with that shit

bring it.

Kabirtalking to Lev
about how they haven't hit up the bars/clubs yet
and will wait for us
you ready to Bring It
bruh I am physically incapable of not Bringing It
sometimes, I try to leave It at home
but, alas, I still Bring It
Kabirit's true I have borne witness to you having brought it

you could just also quarantine with us

Kabiryou could just also quarantine with us
Levno thanks
would have to jam thay fucking stick in my nose again
not worth
rude
Kabirlol renn get a load of this guy, doesn't even appreciate a good stick up the nose
what a square
Dude I’ve gotten 4 tests in the past 2 weeks
If you can’t take a stick up the nose for our friendship
Then what kind of friend are u
Levdont you be pretending you got those sticks in your nose for me
Boi
I’d take a stick up the anything
Levthats just your saturday night entertainment
I wish
I been single for too long

balk.

I don’t think Kabir would make for a good lead in the next Jurassic park movie
Levy
Kabirbecause I'm not a pratt
Levyou know you damn well are
damn it
you missed the chance
Now I gotta come up with something else
KabirI missed the chance at what
dunking on your set-up like michael jordan?
Levman i am being overwhelmed by the chemistry yall have as a comedy duo

I wish we had an instrument we could bring along

I wish we had an instrument we could bring along
2 days of jamming in quarantine
KabirI'll bring my tiny keyboard thing
but
it's like 1.5 octaves
can we postmate a ukulele
so we can play all the adventure time songs
Kabirwe can levmate whatever we like

seal.

Levlook
https://bit.ly/33Er3cf
this is the thiccest seal you will ever see
KabirWhat a giant fuckin lad
reminds me of that futurama episode
where everyone is seals
and bender is the chad seal
Levthat's how I feel on the inside
Kabirlike a seal megachad?
where are all your seal hoes, megachad?
Levmy seal hoes
are you guys
the seal hoes were the friends we made along the way

gender reveal

https://i.redd.it/5qngo2jvr1m51.jpg
hahahaha I seriously can't get enough of this meme
Levhttps://i.redd.it/okm59iud5yl51.png
lmao americans do be like that
Levwhat u doin americans
the world shall know of mine offspring's peepee
KabirShould've been an "it's a boi" party
as in, it's a
boi why you setting off explosives for something so retarded
it's a
girl you really being a basic bitch and an arsonist rn
LevI think its a great idea
infinite guilt trip potential
"three people died just so we could know your gender and you're eating pizza rolls on a wednesday?"
"make something of yourself brayden"

wholesome.

kabir, in my mind you’re a mix of Jake the Dog and donald glover
Kabirwhy you trying to make me blush
AsadHow much did Kabir pay you off with, Renn?
This is highly suspect
what a surprise, I think my friends are cool

tommy hilfiger.

Kabirgirl
for the last time
Tommy Hilfiger is not Tommy Hilfinger
You’re not making any sense
What does hilfiger even mean
AsadWhat does hilfinger mean?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
AsadIt means one lucky wife, amirite ladies
not if that's singular
Kabirhilthreefingers

porn roast.

guys did you know that there's porn roasts of porn stars
where they watch a pornstar's movies and make fun of them
it's hilarious
Levliiiiiink
Kabiryikes
can I send a pornhub link here
let's see
[pornhub link]
FBI pls don't @ me
AsadThat sounds hilarious
Also is that really why you went to Pornhub?
irrelevant
KabirClassic renn
Goes onto internet because she's vaguely horny
finds comedy instead

hot chip.

Kabirrenn
do you eat hot chip & lie
Levdo you wash you pussy in the sink and charge yo phone
Kabirdo u pop pills, smoke week, lie around, and be bisexual
AsadRenn's the hottest potato there is
I do some of these things
KabirSounds like ur a girl born post-1993
did you guys go on a side adventure without me

chill call.

do you guys want to have a chill call later today
Kabirya
LevI'm only down for a high intensity one where we have to vote someone off the island
ok but I'm not liking your chances

cereal.

Got the second part of my sleep
But I swear I woke up because I heard someone eating cereal in the kitchen
Kabirsorry
I was hunger
Asadwhat was the source of the cereal eating noise, Renn?
Do you have a CEREAL KILLER in the house/
Omg I can' believe this is happening, a terrible pun coming to life, its like a dream come true

Y'all wanna play the presentation game?

LevY'all wanna play the presentation game?
yeah I'm down I guess
LevKabir says you're not worth it
bruh Kabir and I reaffirmed our friendship vows
I don't believe you
Kabirrenn I am working on a class project
Good for you
*pat pat pat*
Kabirno but that is why I am not playing
it's not that you're not worth it
just that you're less fun than school

self isolation.

Levbro my daily routine has changed exactly 0 amount
except instead of watching naked attraction with renn it's with niharika and carl
AsadPretty much the same dude
I am not going to school but otherwise exact same routine
Wish we were all quarantined together tho
KabirAsad why don't you actually fly over
I hereby invite you... to Lev's house
LevI do feel like ya'll motherfuckers are missing the point of self isolation

plants.

Bruh
I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this
But don’t lick your plants
KabirWhat why
They're my plants
They don’t like it
KabirThey love it
Did you get enthusiastic consent?
Kabirno-one:
not even me:
not a single mouse, throughout my house:
my plants: daddy please

weird mark buddies.

Bruv
I think my scar from the bike crash healed in a weird way
And now I have this cute mole-looking spot that will probably stick around for quite a while
KabirWeird mark buddies
I wonder what it is though
In my case it kinda looks like dried blood, except I can't scrape it off
Same!
My skin is completely smooth at that spot
My bet is that it’s a kind of tattoo-type scar
Where the color of the red dirt we fell on
Went in the scar a bit and stayed there
KabirSo we actually did end up casually getting tattoos in Thailand
True tourists!
what a cool way to get one too
KabirI can't wait to be the hipsterest at all the bars
all the other Thai tattoo people: "Yeah I got my tattoo from a monk who just used a single bamboo needle, was pretty cool, pretty meaningful"
me: "Sorry I only get tattoos from the unholy union of Mother Earth, gravity, and gasoline. Cool monk story tho"

sour patch kids part threux.

KabirI'll bring...
things
sour patch kids?
Bruh
I’m all set for the rest of the year
Lev sent me a pound of em last week
It's mostly what I have been eating
Even had my workmates try them
Kabiryour friend on the left is kinda cute but also looks like she has a resting heart rate of 170 bpm
like she's ready to bolt from tigers at any given moment
I think she was just afraid of the intestinal damage she was about to inflict on herself

new york new years eve.

LevWe followed the trials of an incredibly drunk man trying to get a pizza
KabirThe guy wasn't just drunk
He was also hungry
KabirHe was either on something else or he was a clinical moron
Levas he infringed on the personal space of every human being in the tri-state area
Why did you follow him?
morbid curiosity?
LevWe just happened to be at the same pizza place
How hard can it be to get a pizza if you’re already at the pizza place
KabirDifficult if you've been caught trying to brazenly just steal boxes of pizza
LevApparently it can be sisyphean
Did he manage at the end
Kabirjust barely
LevWhen he finally got the pizza he took a bite and immediately spit it out
In front of the woman whose drink he had just knocked over

dumbo.

Levbut who in their right mind gives a tiny plush elephant as a promotional item for condoms
Right?
But how could I make up this stuff
Kabirrenn I already explained why the elephant makes perfect sense
it's a dumbo to accompany yo jumbo dong. classic brand strategy
I try not to think about it too much
KabirDo you know how they would greet your dad in subsaharan Africa?
"Djambo, jumbo dumbo."
Do you know how they would greet him before offering him a classic Cajun meal?
Lev"sir this is a family restaurant please put your giant dick away"
Kabir"Jambo, jumbo dumbo. Gumbo?"
I have like 50 of these lined up

crash.

Asadrenn, is Kabir being totally insufferable?
Also if need you to share all these sordid escapades, that'll be great thanks
KabirThere was no sordidity, was an exceedingly wholesome trip
5/7 perfect score
We saw coral, fish, a 500 year old tree. Crashed a motorbike and made renn scared of bikes (sorry renn)
They got terribly sunburnt, classic
Levno shit, what happened with the bike crash?
Kabirwe died.

bikes.

lev why are you adding so many bike-related songs to the playlist
are u ok
KabirHe's subtly trying to come out the closet
he's
bike curious

oh no.

let me know when you're home safe
KabirRenn oh no
My plane
has no wings!
oh no
that's like
the thing that makes it go whoosh

cool friends.

KabirAlso how do you not have cool friends over there? Who're we partying with
They better all be cool, Renn
hey're all very cool
but my standards are incredibly high
and they just never manage to rise to your levels
but they are a fun crowd
KabirI am flattered
And reassured
you react to my bursts of affection much better than lev
he usually responds by informing me that he is on a toilet

buttsun.

Kabircoffee? no thanks.
I receive all the energy I need by charging my butthole in the sunlight
Asadhahahahahahahahahahha
Don't want my butt to get tanned though
KabirDo not abandon your Anus in the Dark, Asad
what the fuck is this chat anymore
KabirYou sound cranky
Didn't get enough buttsun this morning?
AsadRenn refers to her butt as Capri
So she can go around asking everyone for a CapriSun without judgement
But we're judging you
no I say ButtSun
asking for a CapriSun somehow sounds more embarrassing

nipple clamps.

LevI'd rather spend that time getting stuff for NYE and ganfing
KabirWhat stuff
Levbooze, food
cards
nipple clamps
bandaids
KabirI already have nipple clamps
LevI don't want your cheap ass nipple clamps we're not in college anymore
I want a decent bronze set
KabirI have income now b, I upgraded
copper
Levcopper's too conductive
more pain than pleasure
Kabircopper's just conductive enough
; )
If I have to wake up to your nipple clamp talk one more goddamn time

neo outfit.

Is anyone bringing a nice camera
Cause I got some fire outfits that I need to be remembered in
KabirHahaha
Aw man we're going to be ~recording things? All of my clothes make me look like Neo when he just wakes up from the matrix
That sounds quite on point
And anyways mostly you’ll be feeling like he did then
With no idea where you are and how to use your muscles again

meme.

KabirI don't even know what hipster means anymore, renn
it's lost its meaning from overuse
just like the word meme will in a few years
Kabirmeme has already lost its definite meaning for me
it went from 'gene analogue but for culture' to 'image macro' to
'thing that makes me laugh'
seriously
KabirSomeone told a joke the other day in person
and I had the urge to just say
dank

jesus god.

Levmostly just the regular kind
of retarded retardation
Kabirlike forrest gump
Levlike forrest gump if you took away more chromosomes
more like chromoresomes
amiright?
Kabirjesus god
Levhe can't help you now
Kabirlord
take me now

sour patch.

KabirOh shit I totally forgot renn wanted sour patch kids
Levrenn
The sour patch kids are increasing in size at the same rate you are
they have to
to satiate my increasing appetite

line cutting.

KabirLong ass immigration line
Sorry lads
Missing this flight
LevTell a person
They'll push you to the front
They did it here
TaniaKabir why don't you just push through? It's Spain
It's normal, no one will see it negatively
LevI thought the Spanish are all orderly now
TaniaDude no
Seriously just shout and scream in some foreign language
They're not orderly anywhere. In some places they just shout less

fomo.

AsadWe're out now and will come back accordingly
LevOut doing lame things
I bet it's super awkward
And that renn cries all the time
Lame things you’re not a part of
KabirBruv
Time of my life
LevWhy is the steering wheel on the wrong side
KabirThis ain't limeland
LevAlso asad look at the fucking road
Yeah this isn't lime land
So why is it on the right side
Is shit mirrored?
Don't phones unmirror shit nowadays?
Off to have fun without you byeee

germans.

would be nice to live in Berlin
LevI don't like Berlin, it has too many Germans
Kabirwhat's wrong with that man, Germans are cool
LevI look too Jewish

peasant.

I have no Spotify, so I have to send you songs on Facebbok like a fucking animal
Levwhat am I, a fucking peasant? Get your shit together and get back on spotify.
buy me a computer and a subscription
Kabirhey. proxies do exist.
AsadProxies are for the weak.
And porn.
Lev, do you know what you are?
A fucking pheasant
AW GOD, THAT WAS SO PIMP

hip hop remix.

all they wanted was a villain, a villain
but all they had was me
Levfor shame. Posting song lyrics as your status? Shaaaaaaaaaaame.
#loldidntread #swag #yolo
KabirGoddamn, first song lyrics and then meme-y hashtags.
Our group used to be so cool it was unreal
but I guess reality is catchin' up with me
takin' my inner child, I'm fighting for it, custody
with these responsibilities that they entrusted me
as I look down at my diamond-encrusted piece.
21st CENTURY SCHIZOID MAN
LevIs this the real life, is this just fantasy?
caught in a landslide
LevNo escape from renn-ality
Open your eyes
Look up to the sites and seee
I'm just a poor song/ I need no quoting
because I'm underground, not well known
never played on radio
quoting songs is lame, yo,
doesn't really matter, you see
to meeeee
Levdid you just try to do a hip hop remix?
KabirYes, and holy shit, it was pretty good
um... yes?
I do okay when I have a little time to think

rajin cajun redneck gators part deux.

that lady
is my favorite character
Levseriously
Kabirhelena bonham carter's retarded siamese twin
hahahaahahaha gator swim away
like it ain't nothin but a thang
and she is still smoking
what the hell
I love you

rajin cajun redneck gators.

Kabirthis movie is intensely bad
every actor is made of autistic wood
it's fun because gators, though

twerking.

AsadTwerkin' that hurricane!
It turned out all okay
LevWhat does twerkin' even mean?
KabirIf you don't know twerk it means you can't twerk
so you should twerk your ass right outta here
(I also do not know)
Asadit's moving your booty
Levoh, so that's the name of that
good to know that Asad continued his habit of shaking his ass at things that frighten him.
Kabirto be fair it is a viable method of propulsion

pixels.

LevOur tv will probably be a bit smaller this year
btw
KabirWhatevs
We can compensate by getting intimate with the screen
Just get up all in them pixels
LevRight
Like
Motorboat that one flesh colored pixel
Kabirgo to town on that one pink one
LevHnnnnngh

angler fish.

KabirGreatest series of wildlife documentaries
hilarious
Levtrue facts about angler fish
the sequel to completely bullshit facts about angler fish
surprisngly did not win the pulitzer

so deep.

Levuse your D less for pissing and more for probing into the depths of that quote to penetrate the core meaning of that speech, buxom in the amount of meaning within it.
KabirIt's like you're a high Asad
Levhow?
oh, you mean how he reads Jane Austen?
and is like "Dude...this shit is like...so deep"
KabirI'm talking about stuff like
"Ah, but it was lost to the ashes of time
which raises the question: who burned time?"

I looked it up in the dictionary

I looked it up in the dictionary
sex is when a penis goes into a vagina
everything else is a-okay
Kabirsweeet
Levoh, good news then, Kabir
I didn't actually fuck your mother after all
hahahahahah
stupid autocorrect
I only write three ha-s
and it corrects it to more
it totally exaggerates how funny I find something
just for the record, lev
that was an okay joke
Kabirwhatever renn
you laugh uproariously
at everything we say
I smile occasionaly
and reluctantly

guess which country.

LevIt's an entire country made out of chocolate, honey, and not giving a shit
KabirI like that third part
Asadtotally not suited for lev
since shitting is pretty much all he does
LevI take very reasonable shits
it's my angry birds playing that sends things into overtime
KabirHave you been flinging your turds at peoples' carefully stacked toilet paper rolls again?
THIS ISNT A GODDAMNED GAME

punning.

KabirThis is no time for roulette, Asad
WE HAVE PUNNING TO DO
AsadThe title of your documentary: The Stone Collector
LevI don't get it
KabirI think he was just offering what he thought was a cool name
Levoh
Jesus
the one time the subject is actually puns
and he cocked it up

rude.

Asadalso you should go to legoland!!!
Levyou should suck my dick
Asadim serious
do you even know what it is?
its an entire theme park made out of lego
Levyour mom is an entire theme park made out of dicks
Asadthats just rude
Levtitties
Kabirsuch rude
Levtitties
Kabirall the rude
Levtitties

gay frogs.

Asadwhaddup gay frogs?
KabirDid asad just say 'gay frogs'?
Levyes
KabirWhat the hell does that mean
Levthat's the mating call
for gay frogs
he was just trying to find a date for prom
Kabirgay frog prom
huh
new story idea
Levnew erotic story idea*

gay.

LevI'm confused
who is gay? (not me)
I'm confused
Lev is gay?
KabirLev is gayest
the gay-master
KabirHe's not just gay
gayest
gay maestro
gaestro
lev
lev
I know what you are
LevI am a leader of men
KabirYes
you lead men
into your bum

cleaning ladies.

LevSo...I just showed my dick to the cleaning lady
Kabir... On purpose?
Levno
I forgot to lock the shower door
KabirOh
whatevs
cleaning ladies see all sorts of penis
Levstop showing cleaning ladies your penis
Kabirdon't take this away from me

email comedy.

Kabirwe don't do as many comedy things
as we used to
mr. gaypants
Levbecause I'm not in the goddamn country anymore
that's going to put a damper on things
also you're in class when I'm awake, we can try by email
but that would be the gayest thing we've done

Gay like you

Levthat’s so gay brah
that’s daily use butt plug gay
Kabirless gay than you
you’re arched-wrist feather-boa gay
Levyou’re cock in mouth gay
pretty direct
just how you like cocks
Kabiryou’re lisping hairdresser gay
requires a bit of nuance
just like the various methods you take it up the bum
Levat least I’m not low down glory-hole gay like you
KabirBitch I’m a primal beast
At least I’m not hoity-toity only-fuck-me-if-you-have-nice-shoes gay like you

snowflake.

Levexcept I'm flying out from DC
god knows why
Kabirwhat in the hell
what sense does that make
LevI'm a snowflake
and so are my flight routes
KabirGay?

plane crash.

Levalright
time to fly
perce bitches
have a good trip
wait
I forgot to tell you a hilarious airplane crash story
damnit
KabirThat is horrible, Renn
I hope you die in a plane crash
that's statistically improbable
Kabirbut
no
my metajoke
noo
MUHAHAHA
Kabir:c

mocha.

KabirBut yes
I've got the mocha fever
Asaddont ever call it that
KabirThat's not a thing
But
Levloca for that mocha

insults 101.

Asaddid you ever get the pictures?
LevAsad, no one wants your dick pics
Asadi sent those ones to lev's.mom@cougartown.com
Kabirapostrophes are illegal in email addresses
Lev wins by default
Sorry Asad
believability is key when insulting others

google.

Levdude
Asad
what the fuck
Kabir...Have you been using google?
Levwhat
the
fack
Asadare my stalking skills scaring you?
Levwe told you to stop using google, Asad
that shit'll make your teeth fall out
and your dick turn into a wrinkly mess, like a sausage left in the sun

bum.

Levthere are literally no other women, Kabir
none
this tale of fuck-uppery has spread throughout the world
and none want to be seen with you
KabirIf there are no other women, Lev
There's always you
Leveven I am wary
of sticking it in your bum
and it is one of my most cherished pastimes
KabirI am merely ~weary of ~your bum
For it lacks the dynamism and elasticity it once had
LevI do have an intimidating badonk

yiffing.

:/
you're missing out on some serious yiffing, man
Kabirwhat is yiffing
...
nothing
it means nothing
is what it means
Kabir: /
WHAT THE FUCK
sorry

rontypool.

okay, and when you're done with the pontypool story
send it over
...
hope you don't name it pontypool though
KabirIt's a different story!
It'll be called
Rontydool

hip.

LevI miss the 90s
KabirWhen you used to be a dance-superstar
you shouldn't dance in your 60s, lev
you'll break your hip or something
LevI already got them both replaced
I'm ready for anyhting
except a spelling bee

chip eating.

KabirLev
Your chip-eating is the single loudest thing in this house somehow
It is some sort of sonic anomaly
that eats through walls and burrows in your ears
Not even the bassiest speaker--
Not even the noisiest jackhammer
Not even the 140 decibel scream of a jet engine
Can compare to your chip eating
Levthe sounds of my mastication shall be heard across the globe

oldie.

Kabirso whiny
I want food
meeeeow
food please
meow! meoooow
God, go hunt a mouse or something. Jesus, Cat

pillow.

Kabirno
shh
yes
Kabirno, this pillow is just to make your face comfortable
feel how fluffy it is
ghhgygfghhhhh
Kabiragainst all of your breathing-holes
shhh
shhhhhh
hchxjnjnjj
Kabirso fluffy
the fluffliest
ggghheett oojff mmeewee kkasdbibfirrrr
KabirShhHHhhHHhHHhHHhhh

new word.

LevWhere did you even run across the word "cooper" in reference to a barrel maker and repairer?
Did you just wake up one day and be like
"Holy shit, who makes all my barrels?"
KabirNo
I actually... don't know
Then again, I also can't remember when I ran across the word 'word' either
LevYeah, but that's because you learned it at an age from which you can't retain memories.
KabirThen how would I have... learned it?
DUN DUN
duuuuunn

emoticon torture.

it's like you don't want me to talk to you
KabirDon't be like that
C'mon
don't wink at me
KabirYou know I'm a cool dude ; )
Oh
You should have given me that warning earlier
I don't like how I was so starkly predictable there
I will revise my wink tactics
and make them winktastic
oh god
so much pain
Kabirall I have to do is move an s
you're causing me
arghhh
...argg
KabirI'm so sorry
no
KabirRun
Leave
no
Kabirbefore it takes you too
Before...
don't use another
KabirAurgh
AUrGH
oh god, here it comes
KabirSave yourself!
( ;

sad.

Any day when I make you feel terrible is a good day for me
Lev: |
: (
Kabir: C
: O
That's when you are so sad that our mouth actually turns into a circle
LevOr as Kabir likes to call it
"Meet me at the back"

prague news.

In other Prague news, I followed a man and his 50-pound luggage from the airport to the centre of the city just to see him get off the bus and walk straight into a KFC
KabirHAHAHAHAHA
Levwhy were you following him specifically?
Coincidence
We were both going to center city
Except I was headed towards something less sad
LevI don't believe you, Renn
KabirThe only coincidence was that you were looking for a fat man to follow,
and he happened to be a fat man
LevShe never said he was fat
KabirDude
His prime objective upon reachin a city was to find and penetrate a KFC with his gluttonous flab
He was fat
LevDude
we've done that
we went on a 2 hour epic quest
to find a KFC
Oh... Why.
Why are You guys so sad
KabirIt was my idea
I make the mundane into the fantastic
KFC run?
No.
It is a bard's tale
...A lard's tale

moisturizer.

it's okay
you can use my moisturizer if you need to express an emergency emotion
oh wait, I forgot you have like a gallon of your own
KabirI do
Moisturizer is a great, great invention
I still don't know what you're using it for
no
I mean I am politely pretending not to know
KabirTo moisturize
I legitimately use it!
Like
sure you do
Kabirfor my hands and body
(especially the entire penis area
.
.
.
.
what with all the masturbating)

high-brow.

Kabiryes
and also not-yes
it's a double meaning
It's a schrodinger's comment
ooh, look at you and your high-brow jokes
should I mention Kafka in one of my penis commens now?
KabirMaybe you didn't laugh because you weren't reading through a monocle
The monocle is essential
And also, yes you should
let me get it
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
I haven't been so delighted by an anecdote since I played cricket with my fellow gentlemen from the country club
KabirOne morning, when Mohammad Kabir woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into an enormous penis

fat pose.

Levhey
Kabir
fuck you
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/6187080.stm
my fat pose is scientifically proven to be superior
KabirYour fat pose isnt 135 degrees
135 degrees is reasonable
Not your absurd 175 degree neck-lean

front page

KabirShit, Lev got on the front page of reddit!
AsadHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
LEV
you are so fucking weird!
And it's about shitting
Why am I not surprised

retarded animals.

Levso many good gif effects on that animals being retarded gallery
it's nice to know that sometimes animals don't know what the fuck they're doing either
Kabirdid you assume they did?
we're probably the smartest of the bunch
and we're idiots

The Big Two-Zero

KabirAnyway
20 sucks
20 is the new 40
Fat old and balding
Worst
Levseriously
dude guy
you got like
14 days of life left
and then you're going to start shitting yourself
uncontrollably
KabirI'm just going to spend it on hookers and blow
I'll craft a hooker-shape in the blow pile
and fuck-snort it till I die
LevI think that was an episode of CSI
KabirYes
starring me
Credited as:
Fuck-snorting Man
Levthey actually credit with what you do now instead of who you are for extras now
so you misread it
it was actually "Fuck-snorting Men"

rightly tell.

KabirRight, but you cant rightly tell if they're speaking with a British lilt or not
It'll be easy to say if theyre speaking cockney, ebonics, or southern debutante
Lev"can't rightly tell"
what the fuck are you, a chimney sweep?

Nickname

LevKav is not a new nickname
it was my first nickname for you
in fact
you're still in my phone as 'Kav'
KabirKab was the first
Which I hated
Kav was better
Levwell
Kav it is
KabirDont be offended if in some matters I appear...
Kavalier
LevI still would recommend you stop...
Kavorting...
with ladies of the night
KabirI'll cease my activities if they would just stop paying me.
This is my...
Kaveat
LevMaybe we could talk this deal over at...
Kavenough's
KabirDo they serve bananas?
I prefer...
Kavendish
LevIt doesn't matter, 'cause we got you now motherfucker
you ain't gonna get no help from the...
Kavalry
KabirI dont need to go on the offensive.
This is where I tactically retreat, into a...
Kave
Levdon't you go starting a...
kaval
KabirThis year is going to be rough

fun.

Kabirso in the title link it just says
Aug 13th: fun
Levhah
Kabirwait no
NO
fun. is a band
MOTHERFUCKERS
LevHAH
YOU HAVE BEEN FOOLED
FOOLED I SAY
KabirCURSE YOU, FUN UNCONVENTIONAL BAND NAAAAAAMES
LevFunconventional

Two Hundred Large

KabirHow much does windows cost anyway
Lev~200 large
Kabir...
200 thousand dollars?
What are these words coming out of your mouth
I'm going to take a shower now
to rid myself of the memory of you using slang terms
Levno
just 200 comically sized single dollars
is what I meant
Kabirno
Levyes
Kabiryou cant slip out of this one, brah
I will forever remember you as the big dummy who not only used 'large' but then used it improperly
Do you think in those big gangster movies when a character says
'You own me five large, get it to me or I'll kill you'
They were just going:
'Yeah gimme my five bucks, mang'
Levyes
no
fuck you
I haven’t slept all night
KabirHah
At the end of a huge laborious heist movie
They break open the vault and the gold shine flashes on their faces
"How much you think we got?"
"Oh, shit!"
They laugh and smile
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit"
"We have 750 large!"
YEAH 750 WHOLE DOLLARS
ALL THOSE CAR CHASES AND ORCHESTRATED DECEPTIONS WERE WELL WORTH IT
Levwhy don’t you suck on five large
dicks
right in your mouth
I’m going to sleep
Kabirrest up
get at least 7 large hours

robot sex.

KabirWall-E couldve been the girl
Who knows
They're robots
They dont have sex : /
they kind of looked asexual
which makes sense
but I think it was a he
he was dirty
and a lady would never let herself go that way

facial twitches.

KabirGuess what
Levwat
Kabir; )
I love winky faces
( ;
Levfuck you
fuck off
die in a fire
KabirHey you
Levdie in several fires
KabirWhy so hostile
Levyou know why
KabirNo
Levyou ~know
KabirI dont
Or maybe I do? ; )
Bro
Levdude
KabirThis is just something our friendship will have to get over
You hate winky faces
I am a winky face
If we surmount this shit, there is nothing we can't do
Feel me?
So come on
Accept it
; )
Levdon't talk to me
Kabir; )\--<
Will it help if I dance
; )/--<
See look
it's the wink dance
it's endearing
; )|--<
LevI hope someone cums in your winking eye
KabirBro
Come on
Dont be so hateful
Of my charming facial twitches
Levmore like facial penises

beard.

KabirI have fallen in love with this man's beard
I am certain he hides extra pairs of shame-deflecting testicles beneath

to renn, v. [ren]

I will not be known as the ruiner of things
KabirIt...
it happened
You renn'd it
noooooooooooo
LevNo, Renn britta'd it
to renn something is to engage in sexual congress, for money, with several (more than two) clowns
KabirI didnt know your hobby had a name, lev
Levit ain't my hobby
it my job
I make money off dem hoes
"What do your prostitutes do?"
"Oh, anything from a handjob to renn'ing"

lion.

kabir does really hate lions
wasn't your life dream to punch one in its fat face?
KabirYes
Then I want it to get really angry and try and attack
So I can punch it again
It'll be all like
"Rowr, that hurt"
and I'll say
"Fuck you lion. Take it like a lion."

creep.

wait, when kabir was in lev's bathroom, were you there?
Asadno, but I wished I was
Kabir...
Asadwell, not in the bathroom
but somewhere
nearby
Levthat's the creepiest thing you've ever said
Kabir"yeah, I heard you guys had fun and I wish I could be there, looking through the window"

bullies.

LevKabir
are
...are we bullies?
I think we're bullies
Kabirhow
no
I used to be a bully
Levlook
Kabirthis isnt it
Lev...look in the mirror brah
Kabiri am
Levlook harder
KabirI'm never not looking at a mirror

spill.

KabirSo, crude oil is burning on the West Coast
Chevron:
"Whoooooops"
Lev"Oh shit, did I spill that?"
AsadStop ejaculating your black sperm on the west coast maaaang
LevThe Black Sperm would make a good pirate ship name

racewalking.

Levfucking hell, is racewalking actually a sport?
KabirIt's really hard
A guatemalan won the first gold for his country in it
And it is absurdly tough
LevI can imagine it's hard
it must take a lot of effort to look ~that stupid doing something
KabirYou need to have god hips
AsadShakira would be awesome at it
LevShe wins a gold medal in the giving me a boner competition, though
runner up
Asad's mom
Kabir: /
Asadfuck you

book.

Kabirit is a book
that will teach me things
Lev"A dummy's guide to tantric masturbation"
Asadhahahahha
or how to get an erection :P
KabirIt's organic chem
And I dont need no guide to get an erection, foo'
I snapped a photo of your mom.
Levoh shieeeeeeeeet
KabirOOOOOHHH SNAAAPS
LevBEST GET ICE FOR DAT BURN, BOY
KabirGET THAT OINTMENT, SON--'FORE THIS SHIT GOES SECOND DEGREE
LevBEST MAKE AN APPOINTMENT AT A TANNING SALON CUZ HE JUST BEAT YO ASS WHITE

trademark.

Kabirin adventure time
all the characters have emoticon faces
except for jake the dog
Levcontain your boner, Kabir
I SAID CONTAIN IT
KabirStop trying to appropriate renn's/my phrase
we have it trademarked

friends.

Levis she Bulgarian?
no
australian
Levthat makes sense
she's smiling
and ostensibly has friends
what are you trying to say there, lev
I HAVE FRIENDS
I HAVE DOZENS OF FRIENDS
BAKER'S DOZENS!
... they come in thirteens
Kabirdonuts arent friends
;(
Kabirthey are donuts

train wreck part threux.

Levoh shit
well, you took one sentiment from her, Kabir
and I will take that pun
KabirIt took a renn to help you come up with that pun?
Come on now
:(

train wreck part deux.

KabirThen a man dressed as a train bursts from the curtains
CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKERS
punches each child in the face
and runs off
LevOprah is the conductor
KabirLarry King is the train
LevThat guy with cerebral palsy that was supposed to get a show from Oprah is the man dressed as a train
mind you, I'm not saying instead of Larry King
Larry King is the actual train
should I be stopping ~this?
Kabirjoin us renn
jooooin
uuuuus
Levjooooin
uuuuus
I really lost the train of thought
... get it?

train wreck.

Levsomeone should have stopped me 15 lines ago
that never works
you just never listen
when we beg
Levyeah
I ~like the begging though
KabirPersonally, I like to watch a train wreck
Levoh ho ho

salad.

did I ever show you that video of that guy making a salad?
KabirHoly shit
LevIs he smiling at it?
Because you can't not smile at salad
KabirThat's such an awesome sentiment. Usin' it
Levwhat sentiment
the ant in the water?
Kabirnevermind
You will see
Lev"Did I ever show you that video of a guy making a salad?"
KabirYOU WILL SEE

The Obama administration has allowed for the indiscriminate

The Obama administration has allowed for the indiscriminate, panel 1
KabirThe Obama administration has allowed for the indiscriminate wetting of ants.“
The news subsequently causes
an indiscriminate wetting of pants
LevI would like to see a discriminate wetting of ants
"You get wet, and you get wet, you don’t get wet, fuck off, and you get wet, but not you”
a man with an eyedropper in the middle of an anthill
slowly getting covered by angry wet and dry ants
KabirI am glad that we take the time, sometimes
to go full retard
and explore all the exciting horizons of stupidity

leatherbound dick.

KabirListen here, children, you all gather 'round
to listen to the history of one man's frown--
it's a tale of hardship, and it might make you sick--
It's the terrible story, of Leatherbound Dick
y'see there once was a guy, who was lookin' to fuck
and he swam and he combed through the internet's muck
he found several above a 7 of 10
and he invited a few back to his den
And one particular night it had gotten quite steamy,
the music and light through the windows were dreamy
The lights were turned off and the bedcovers thrown
to better be able to help this girl moan--
That's when she slipped down from the cool of the sheets
to kneel on the carpeted floor on her knees
and with tongue and a flick and two lips and two hands,
she went right at work to pleasure this man
But she couldnt.
No matter what happened, this Richard stayed silent
at half past the hour frustrations grew violent
there was nothing to do--there was no pleasing this prick
and such was the tale, of Leatherbound Dick.
*curtain*

high note.

Asadfuck that was awesome
im gonna end on a high note here
nightio
KabirThat was the lowest note
anyone could possibly end on
Levnot only was it a low note
it was also flat
AsadYou're just jealous guyzz
Kabirit's true, I am jealous
everyday I'm just like,
"Man, why can't I be as bad at jokes as Asad"
LevHe's been working really hard at it all summer

желдт.

AsadThe Veldt
Kabir'the Veldt'?
LevThe Veldt
AsadTHE veldt
LevtHe VelDT
Kabir...
I hate you guys

shitload.

Levjesus fuck
KabirOkay not a literal pound
But a shitload
Levaccording to my scale
a pound is usually a shitload for me
Kabir...Are you saying that you weigh yourself before and after?
Or do you just shit on a scale

pity points.

Levit is impressive how my boner is so large and virile that I can debauch Asad across the Atlantic
KabirIt isnt
You just fly out every night to feel, for a moment
That someone wants to touch your boner
like a boner santa
KabirThe airlines usually let you just stowaway in cargo, claiming that you've paid in full in 'pity points',
as they've come to call them

schizophonic.

LevMy headphones are short circuiting
so every time there's a loud bit they shock my ear
which has the side effect of me flinching and swearing while I walk down the street
KabirYay, schizophrenic for a day

reference.

Asadsounds delic
KabirI think I just vomited a rainbow
Asadi think i just vomited at that reference

edit.

LevI just assumed you were going back into the convo archives
whilst softly weeping and eating a cinnabun
did you just purposefully edit your text
so it could say whilst instead of while
Kabirmeanwhile, a montage of Lev's conversations.
"We can do it togayther"
"Whatabup?"
"why are your so perverderder"
"Uh, ah, uhm, erm"
*warble*

pray harder

Levman, I keep getting my ass kicked in Age of Mythology
this is troubling
Kabirpray harder
get it?
in asian speak, 'play harder'
but also in normal speak
pray harder
because youre playing as gods
and...
yeah

'murrica.

KabirHEY YOU
THIS IS AMERICA
HOME OF THE BRAVE
'murrica
LevLAND OF THE HOME AND BRAVE OF THE FREE
GIT THE FUCK OUTTA HER FURR'NER

busking.

KabirMeh, in any case, it's an experience
Can tell my grandkids,
"Yeah, your old grandpa once went out on the streets and played music for all the fine folk passin' through."
"Nothing like plying strings and chasin notes to tell you the value of the almighty dollar, son."
Lev"Once I earned enough money, I could finally afford that surgery to turn me into a black man from the 30s, and that, son, is why I talk like this"

asad-o-meter

AsadI do not approve of my name being used as a unit of gayness
that is unacceptable
Kabiryou just belted out 2.4 Asads
Asadi dont like you
KabirWhat! Don't blame me, blame this Asad-o-meter
LevI think you mean 2.4 centiAsads
nothing can surpass 1 Asad
without going into critical gayness

parent-compatible persona.

KabirI need your moral support to maintain a parent-compatible persona
One that doesn't curse
"This Rock Shrimp is fucking fantastic, guys."
"Yo, the yellowtail is a goddamned beauty!"
"Hey, the fucking is fucking fucking, right?"

remember.

Kabirgood night
remember, lev is fat
I never do
Kabirso fat in the face
it's why nobody loves him
just the face, though
but it's enough

wolf pack.

KabirAnother one was a lone wolf like me
Levoh jesus christ
KabirBut at the end of the day
We formed a pack
LevI physically retched
KabirA wolf pack
LevI...stop
Kabirof laughter
LevI hate you

vagine.

Levdo you know where you'd be living if you stayed here?
Kabirno
i'll have to craigslist it
Asadin your vagine
Levso you don't have anywhere to live here, either?
how are you the most disorganized fucker?
Asadvagineeeeeeeeeeee

unpullable.

KabirWomen can be bros, fool
your face is a fool
Kabiryour mom is a fool
for having birthed your face
which is itself also a fool
because foolishness is hereditary
... wow.
that's... way out of line, kabir
don't offend my mother like that
KabirNo it's not.
My leg is unpullable, Renn
goddamnit

toilet.

KabirIt's hilarious
I'm at a point in the game where you enter virtual reality
and the enemy hacker is fucking with my avatar
so he turned me into a toilet

the emasculation gambit.

Kabiryes maam
see what I did there
I subtly hinted
that you were not of the male gender
I call it
'The Emasculation Gambit'

that's you.

KabirYou sad, sad man
MY PARENTS DONT LOVE ME
SO I WILL GO HAVE SEX
THAT MEANS I'M LOVED RIGHT?
RIGHT?
....right?
;_;
that's you

shitty meat.

KabirYou know what's open at this hour?
7-11
they have shitty meat
it's the type of meat that doesnt exist
Levfrogro and septa?
KabirI will shit in your mouth

penis (part deux).

god, every morning you guys
every morning I wake up and look at your banter to see what I've missed
it's like 95% penis
I think you might have some unresolved issues or something
Kabirpenis
I mean, uh
I mean
penis
Shit

penis.

KabirSuck every penis
You know these penises exist in the nether regions of most men?
suck them
all
LevI will see you tomorrow if you manage not to implode into your own vagina
KabirHow is that unreasonable
That's a welcoming silence
I'm glad that you are at work with those penises

not vampyre (part deux).

KabirMotherfuckers keep asking when I'll be done with all this blood I have
It's not even funny anymore
it's still polite of them to ask
for permission
Kabirfuck that, one tried to go for it while I was asleep
FUCK YOU VAMPIRE I DONT EVEN LIKE YOU

not vampyre.

Asadi have a friend over
... not anympre :(
KabirI read that as
'not vampyre'
and thought
'Oh, that's unfortunate.'

mexico.

LevOh man
I ordered from grubhub
and they brought me Pepsi from ~Mexico
Kabirmexico
where the bubbles in soda come from farts
enjoy it

martian magellan.

Kabirthey'll call me the martian magellan
It sucks though since all the jobs will be like
farmer
Man Internet is going to be so laggy out there
yes
and farming will be your only joy
so farm away, martian magellan

lack of boobs.

KabirHow do you enjoy the beauty of Iron Sky
But not like 300?
300 was a fucking visual masterpiece
with a simple, resonant story
Asadlack of boobs

ketchup.

KabirStop smearing ketchup on your crotch
I know you love it
but, have some decency, man
Levbut you don't have to ~love it
Asadi got called Professor Asad too Lev
so you suck my ketchupy dick

iron man.

LevThat story didn't have Iron Man in it so I was bored
Kabirmeh, Iron Man has many sticks up his ass
LevSticks of awesome, yes

improbable things.

I even made an OKCupid profile to make the transition to single life easier
KabirThat's weird, I also did something highly improbable earlier
I was leaving the taco bell but instead of taking a cab home I farted wings and swam to the moon on a hedgehog
LevConsidering the hell that Taco Bell makes your lower intestine, that's not ~that improbable
especially not when you consider how many things go in and out of your anus

henlay.

KabirAsad
did you take my henlay?
I cant find it
Asadwhats a henlay?
KabirEggs.

happy again.

KabirAnd Renn--I assume you've already gotten someone to sign you into spotify?
yes, lev did it and I'm happy again
Leva phrase uttered by many a woman
Asadin your dreams
KabirYep, every time you leave

ghost.

Kabirso many elongated vowels
AsadKabir, you hate them, don't youuuuuuuuuuuuu?
KabirIt's like I'm having a conversation with ghosts
Helooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooOOOooOOOoOOooo
Iiiii aaaaam toooo faaat fooor theeee aaafteeer liiiifie

fuck you, Renn.

Levgood thing I never met them, then
or that'd be pretty sad news
Asadfor them
over such a disappointing failure that you are
KabirYeah
and also how fat
you guyss
can't we just get along?
Levfuck you, Renn

for both things.

KabirI am an assassin
This is my rifle
AsadThis is my gun
KabirThis is for fighting
~This is for fun.
(I'm talking about my penis)
(For both things.)

flong you.

LevRenn, you need to finish John Dies At The End
It's fucking fantastic
Kabirmakes sense that you've finally learned to love JDATE
LevI hate you
so much Kabir
KabirSince
You know
Youre jewish
LevI just....urgh....so..much...I'm going to FLONG YOU

first name basis.

I don't know, but david seems to like it
Kabirfirst name basis, huh, renn?
seemed appropriate
since I rock his world every night
Kabir: /
His name is Jason

fig.

Kabirguys
I think lev is a fig
he's being overly defensive on their behalf
LevI...why have I had to defend myself not being a fig two times now?
Kabiryer a fig, 'arry
LevNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
What have I become?
KabirWell
a fig
I keep telling you this

fatful.

Kabirfatful,
you are
Levfatful in the heart
seriously, though, I have a cholesterol problem

fat.

LevIt's nice to be appreciated.
Kabirdont get too happy
youre still fat
Asadso fat
Levfat in the pride section of my brain

cleaning keyboard.

Kabir-ikl.yui7uuyi,.,.,m,njmnmnmnn c
'/.÷..÷.≥./?'[';/'['[;/refrreeeeeerffrrrreerrreeeeeeereftttryrgryryhgtrytytyyytytgrrtfrrerffffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfeedrweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiii8uoiippo000
Sorry
Cleaning keyboard
AsadUmm, i didn't need to know that
kabir, ewwww

broligarchs.

KabirHahahah
Guys
Guys I just had a dream
But this is what we should do
Guys
You listening?
Okay
So, we'll start a frat, right?
We'll start a fraternity, with a bunch of guys
Still paying attention?
Okay
So, once we start this frat
We'll call ourselves
Wait for it
We'll call ourselves:
"The Broligarchs"
jesus christ, kabir
KabirGUYS THE DREAM SAID
THE DREAM

blackanese.

Kabirif i recall correctly, that girl that you hooked up with was hispanic, no? :P
Levno...
was she?
I don't think so
Black and Irish I think
Kabirshe's blackanese
like the team from Rush Hour
AsadWOW LEV
YOU DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT SHE WAS
WAS SHE EVEN A WOMAN?