Levplus the great thing about the collar on this one is that it goes up past the ears
keeping them warm
the collar on that one doesn't reach past the neck
oh my god this is never gonna end
Levlisten
when I buy a piece of clothing
it's to the end
no kidding
to the end of my rope
Lev"oh no lev I like hearing about your coat I want to encourage this side of you"
you bought tickets to this ride
now keep your hands and feet inside the carriage
Levbut now its gray and a bit windy
and im about to nap on a bench by the water
youre really missing out
Yeah how terrible that I won't sleep on a bench like a hobo
Levand then you get salty when I call you elitist
Is it elitist to not want to get burgled
Levyes if you were a true woman of the people you would let yourself get burgled as a form of taxation
I'm not the woman of these people
I'm just a woman
Levuntil the 12th
when finally
I will occasionally
have a few sweet moments to myself
as soon as that happens
emily in paris
and 30 shades of grey
that's not enough shades
Levhahahahaha
14 shades of grey
noooo
add more shades
insufficient shades
Levint(rand() * 50) shades of gray
Levwhy are mullets back in
because ugly is in style right now
mattia's brother told me
he's 18 and hip
Levis this something he said recently
like he got in contact with his brother's ex
to be like
"yo good news for you ugly is back in"
Levit's funny cause usually it's the engine that makes that sound
but I was in the caboose
ok
I'm sorry
I'm done
You know
Maybe we shouldn't thoughtlessly share every thought that passes through our brains
That goes for both of us
I know this is a safe space for us, but not every brain fart is worth verbalising
Levyou thought that was thoughtless?
I hope it was
Levbitch I crafted that like da vinci did the statue of david
in that someone else made a much more successful version of that joke and mine died in ignomity
Levname three movies based off of drinking games that don't exist
Four Shots Down: my journey from completely sober to just drunk enough but then I stop so I don't make any irresponsible choices
Spit Bucket: a couple goes on a wine tasting in the Napa Valley but find themselves accidentally joining a death cult
Drunk Pirates: it's just a documentary about pirates
Levhahahaha
ok good
now you
LevMan-kale-a: a group of friends playing an innocent stone counting game are surprised when the game pulls them into a lif- it's jumanji, it's jumanji but all vegetable and salad themed
Confessions: a woman goes to church to confess her sins, the severity of the sin she confesses to be determined by dice roll, but when this pure lady gets a six, she has nothing so ranchy to confess. She feels compelled by the power of christ to commit sins spicy enough to confess for a level 6
Tipsy Planets: a documentary on weird gravitational anomalies that causes some exoplanets to wobble in the absence of forces that would cause them to do so
Levits nap time for lev
boo
this is abandonment
Levi just figured you didn't want to spend the new year babysitting my feelings
would bode badly for the rest of the year
i crave the spice
especially when I can't sleep
Levsorry moment's gone
we can do something else to help you sleep
unfortunately the only thing to help me sleep is you talking about your feelings
Levtell me what series i should download
for the flight to america
Love
Levwhat is love
...
baby dont hurt me
booo
Levboo cause you wanted to say it
cause it was too predictable
Levyou know what else is
the sunrise
and yet i'm thankful every single day
that joke is no sunrise
Levinstead of telling me what gate my flight is at
it just says relax
which is just the most gosh darned condescending thing i ever did see
Relax at an airport?
That is physically impossible
Levi dunno, i know a guy who loves going being at the airport so he can get shitfaced in the morning
he is also an alcoholic tho
Is that man you
Levi cant even handle alcohol that doesnt come with a little umbrella
i dont have the internal gravitas to be an alcoholic
Levany spicy life updates from vladi
brother or friend
how is his new job do we know what he researches yet
i bet its some spy shit
No updates from brother
Friend vladi said that our other friend vladi left her boyfriend
Levthat is too many vladis to track
Levmaybe she remembers
and she's just cruel
and doesn't care
Maybe this time you can pretend not to know her
Make the turntables
Levi don't have it in me
i don't have the willpower to suppress my simping
Don't I know it
What if you suppress it just for a bit
And then go into another room and simp into a pillow
Levno then i might end up simping all over myself
too messy
also i no longer enjoy this metaphor
did you see you make yourself into an arcane character
Levi think i saw one example
but it was someone good at art doing it
I'm still waiting to see mine
Levwho do you think you'll end up like
i guess vi?
renn
Levnah
you're not cool enough
this is the weirdest neg I ever did see
Levnext time we are in the same place
im making hashbrowns
may god be my witness
I will remember this
Levi have never made hashbrowns tho
so eh
That's even better
I'll watch you slowly fuck them up and realise you have contributed to my increased distaste for hashbrowns
Levmy notification preview just said
"I will watch you slowly fuck them"
which would be a pretty major deviation from the original recipe
I mean
Dealers choice
Levdealer chooses to not fuck the food
because he will also eat it
Person who has to at some point bone a chicken seconds this
Are you feeling better now
Levyes much
all my holes are entry only
So poop can only enter your butt?
Levyeah its my new weight gain routine
You can finally be full of shit in a literal sense as well
Levmy dream since i was a little boy
I've lost my grasp of the American general public
Is this a realistic set of reactions
Or is it fake
Levwho knows
you think i interact with the general public
self checkouts and uber eats exist
I don't know man
Maybe they say shit while you're scanning your stuff
Or they talk to you about your dog
You can't avoid them all the time
Levoh ye they do talk to me about my dog
actually its less talking
and more every lady in a 3 mile radius splooshing their panties at once