10 Sept 2018 · via tumblr Is anyone bringing a nice camera
Cause I got some fire outfits that I need to be remembered in
Kabir Hahaha
Aw man we're going to be ~recording things? All of my clothes make me look like Neo when he just wakes up from the matrix
That sounds quite on point
And anyways mostly you’ll be feeling like he did then
With no idea where you are and how to use your muscles again
10 Sept 2018 · via tumblr Lev my character is named Dongman of Bonetown
Dongman of Bonetown is a great name
Is he a very well endowed orc
Lev no
it's all ironic
he's an elf with premature ejaculation issues
based on someone I know
who is me
Even in a fantasy land you cannot escape your inadequacies
Lev I choose to own them
both in fantasy and reality
Maybe ejaculating on a thing prematurely
Will come in handy in this game
Also, an actual handy
Lev I should have called him handyman of bonetown
10 Sept 2018 · via tumblr Lev Have you heard of the unreleased song by the lumineers
I don't really like them but that song is really good
Hahah it’s literally called unreleased new song
Lev Yes
I think they decided to not release it cause it's actually good
And would ruin their reputation
10 Sept 2018 · via tumblr Lev We're about to play dnd
I want to play too :(
Lev we rolled a character for you
it's an inanimate dildo
Does it have extra dexerity
I need dem points for my strategy
Lev it has 2x the dexterity of a regular dildo
so still 0
Hahaha
I’ll take it
Lev Has there ever been a dildo you didn't say that to
Lev you want to know something fun
always
Lev the entire time we've been having this conversation
no
Lev I have been
no
stop
Lev not on the toilet
for once
phew
Lev but really it's just the exception that proves the rule
Lev I don't really know any women in San Jose
the gender ratio is 1
in that there is only one woman
that's not how ratio works
Lev hey
who
has the got the math degree here
and who doesn't
exactly
you're better than this lev
Lev I'm not
I also don't have a math degree
Lev that
actually looks like a fun movie
pick when
Lev November
can't
Lev oof
April?
only the 31st
Lev I can only do the first
I'm making prank calls all day, but I'll try to squeeze you in
Lev that's what all the women say
to the man who's travelling half the world to get laid
Lev Gross
You just legit put me off sex holes
Mission accomplished
Do you not understand why I am friends with you
Lev yes
but I wish I didn't
You can unsubscribe from this friendship at any time
Lev Yeah but you hid a unsubscribe clause
Where unsubscribing early costs more than just continuing the service
Also, unsubscribing includes writing an email to our unsubscribe address and listing at least 3 viable reasons as to why you deserve to be unsubscribed
We will then review and decide if you are a good candidate
When my mother was 17, she wanted to go to a school dance but her mom wouldn't let her
So she lied to her and told her she was going to her sister's house for the evening instead
But then her mom made her bring some potatoes to her sister's house
And my mom had a big red leather bag for the dance
And her mother started filling it with potatoes
In the end there was like 7 pounds of potatoes there
And my mom went to the dance with it
And she danced with those potatoes in her bag all night
Then, a boy walked her home
And, being a gentleman, he carried her bag and politely but frequently asked what she was carrying inside
She brought the potatoes back to her house and put them right back in the basement
And that's how I learned that both my parents were rebels
More so than my brother and me
Lev That is the most stereotypically eastern European story ever
I lied
I am not sick
look how lively I am
Lev you look very ill
bitch I am glowing
Lev much like a jaundiced patient
sickness must agree with me
I got two guys giving me their numbers today
Lev they were doctors
I just got a refill on the crackers
It’s full of middle aged men in suits in here
I’m the only lady
And I’m sitting alone at the bar
How prostitutey do I look
Lev 8
8 prostitutey
Good enough
That should get me a free hot meal
And I don’t mean jizz
Lev You mean jizz
I do :(
some select quotes from the porn I watched today:
"no erection, don't happen"
"I can't do this, I was in the Jesuits"
"You ruined my life" *sobbing*
Better not poop too much
Cause there will be no more of you left
Lev The whole world will be awash in me
I feel gross just knowing I’m in the same house as you right now
Lev Feel gross that instead of flushing them I hide them in your bed
Why are you like this
Lev God made me perfect
God should give you healthier bowels
How are you not done yet
Lev I had to run tests
You can just ask me
I can tell you all the ways in which you are wrong
Lev Did you already analyze my poop?
I’ll do it tonight when I go to bed
We can coordinate
Lev probably not
but you can pick me up on the way from nice
from where?
Lev ...nice
oh