tell your dad hey
and remind him who I am
use nice words, please
Levhe neither remembers nor cares to be reminded of you
he remembers
he just needs a reminder
just tell him the auburn-haired beauty from two years ago says hi
I had a polka dot dress
that should remind him
LevI don't know, I've tried to cry while eating two packs of donuts in front of him
if that didn't remind him, nothing will
did you sit under a running shower while doing it?
LevI wanted to make it authentic
so I pretended we had no running water
other than that which runs from our eyes
LevI forgot what kinda backwards internet Penn had
I came back home
and now I'm donwloading at 3 MB/s
coincidentally
I am also uploading 3 MB/s of jizz into my pants
how productive of you
Levbitch you can't hang up on me
I hang up on you
you hear me?
I do what I want
when you warble and garble
I hang up
cause will not have any of that shit
I will not have it
Levyou will have it
you will go to the store
and you will ask the store worker
and they will lead you to the correct aisle
and then you will go to the cashier
and she'll check you out
and you'll hand her the money
and she'll give it to you
and then you'll ~have it
that was beautiful
too bad I won't have it
Levlike a side order of fries
you will never not have it
fatass
I'm an intimidating lady
I'm just so successful and acomplished
and also goddamn sexy
it puts them in a bad place
Levthat...and, you know
people are scared when something bigger than them is running after them
those people are pussies
I'm just voluptuous
the national women's average is 12
so I'm just a few dress sizes too big
Lev~13 isn't just a few
whaaat
just ONE baker's dozen sizes?
whatever, oppressor
my life is pretty sweet
there's a whole block of parmesan cheese in the fridge
and I haven't seen a whole season of archer yet
who could ask for more
LevWhen we have the potential to be anything
we dream of being astronauts, or rock stars, or kings
when we have the potential to be nothing
we dream of parmesan
and to maybe meet a nice new husband at our jazzercize class
it's okay if you need a 15-minute break
Levall I need is 15 seconds and a sock
I don't get the sock thing
it seems so unsanitary and gross
do guys really do that?
LevI dunno
sometimes
It's like a pocket for your wiener
but
what do you do with the sock afterwards?
throw it in the washing machine with the rest of the laundry?
that way all your t-shirts and other socks will have a tiny bit of sperm on them
ewww leeev
did you ever put a sock like that with the sweater you gave me?
I hope I'm not pregnant
LevI gave you a sweater?
yes, a grey one
Levoh you mean my cum blankie?
how dare you
pigeons are hot as fuck
Levyou have fowl perversions
oh my god
I'm so proud I got that
Levyou should be ashamed
pigeons aren't even fowl
you got a non-factually correct pun
stop playing with my emotions
fowl is just another word for a bird, right?
LevFowl is a word for birds in general but usually refers to birds belonging to one of two biological orders, namely the gamefowl or landfowl (Galliformes) and the waterfowl (Anseriformes).
-wikipedia
-or something
so you think you're better than me with all that bird knowledge?
what the fuck is a waterfowl?
is that like a flying fish or something?
Levlike...a duck
or a swan?
you know...
water birds
so... a pigeon is a duck?
Levno
how...
how did you even get there?
so what else are you up to
whom have you been masturbating to lately?
Levrosie o'donnell
noice
Levthat slime monster from Ghostbusters
lubrication wouldn't be an issue
Levand the inevitable decimation of the natural habitat of the Eastern Red Tailed Stoat
ARE THE STOATS IN DANGER?
WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN INFORMED OF THIS
kabir gave me a stoat once
I miss him so
Levat the rate I've been masturbating
they are very much in danger
it's the funnest pastime
I've never done it
but I assume
LevYeah right youve never done it
at least not conciously
there isn't much larping in bulgaria
Levyou guys all LARP as depressed people
all the time
I guess pretending to be functioning citizens of the world is the farthest our imaginations can take us
leeev
here I am in the bulg again
I was in greeeeece
Levwhy were you in greece?
I really wanted some yoghurt and there was none in the fridge
Levdid you check the store?
oh
I sound shitfaced
Levyou always sounded shitfaced
that was just your accent
:/
Lev"Where are you from?"
"A land where I can't handle this shit"
apparently someone's been stealing toilet paper from the office
and we're going to have a new zero-telerance policy
towards toilet paper, I guess
or towards stealing?
probably stealing
now that I think about it
Lev"What do I wipe my ass with?"
"We now have a communal ass towel for the public restrooms"
it's strange that there is a game of thrones porn parody
like
wow, that's such a stretch
Game of thrones like it's never been seen before
Levapparently it's hard to find a stream of it, though
://
we'll just have to use our imaginations then
let those minds run wild
what's it called?
Game of Bones?
Game of Moans?
Game of Stone(-hard penii)s?
gotta be one of these
Levprint out the word toolbars
and tape them to your monitor
I like the way your mind works
then I could take 'the economist' and staple it to the lower part of the monitor
people will be like 'wow, she's so well-read'
Lev"this rick character really has some insightful political commentary on farts"
are there farts in this show?
this truly is the golden age of television
Levthat
is the saddest thing
that has ever touched my ears
do you wanna hear some good news then?
Levyeah, good news it up
I fixed by broken shoe
and I had some shrimp last night
so I got that going for me
Levare you just trying to reinforce stereotypes about eastern europe at this point?
"Is glorious day. Broken shoe is now fixed using pig iron from melted tank. Requires great celebration. Today we feast on one potato."
I lied
I didn't fix my shoe