new york new years eve.

LevWe followed the trials of an incredibly drunk man trying to get a pizza
KabirThe guy wasn't just drunk
He was also hungry
KabirHe was either on something else or he was a clinical moron
Levas he infringed on the personal space of every human being in the tri-state area
Why did you follow him?
morbid curiosity?
LevWe just happened to be at the same pizza place
How hard can it be to get a pizza if you’re already at the pizza place
KabirDifficult if you've been caught trying to brazenly just steal boxes of pizza
LevApparently it can be sisyphean
Did he manage at the end
Kabirjust barely
LevWhen he finally got the pizza he took a bite and immediately spit it out
In front of the woman whose drink he had just knocked over

My parents say they miss you too

My parents say they miss you too
And that they love you and wait for you to visit
LevWere they being sarcastic?
No, my mom is as adorably genuine
For some reason they love you
Levit's cause they see me as the daughter they never had
My dick is indeed bigger than yours
LevWe both lose on this one

mice.

Did your mom inject the mice
Are they ok
LevI think she injected then with cancer
So if they were ok
They're not ok now
Your mom is terrible at giving Christmas gifts

He told me you gave him a really good idea about a podcast t

He told me you gave him a really good idea about a podcast two years ago
That he’s apparently still thinking about
He showed me a note he made on his phone in January 2018
Apparently after you inspired him
LevI am truly inspirational
Ok chill out bruv
“You should start a podcast” is far from groundbreaking advice
LevI bring food to the starving
I invented thought itself
We need to bring your ego down a bit
Sometimes I say things without thinking about how far up your own ass you will travel
LevYou think I spent all that time building roads and rail infrastructure in there
So that I wouldn't be able to take a day trip on a moment's notice?
Yeah but you’ve got such lax visa requirements
That anyone can join come in
There's garbage everywhere
LevI encourage immigration
It's good for the economy
Just try to draw a line at the methheads in the Wendy’s parking lot
LevAs long as they're willing to stroke my
ego

fish wish.

What was the bio bay like
LevPretty magical
You could see fish darting about
Glowing under the water
Damn that’s some fairytale shit
Did you make a wish
Upon a fish
LevNo they didn't speak English
Now you’ll never get a custom toilet you can neck-lean on
LevDon't you worry
Japan still exists

dumbo.

Levbut who in their right mind gives a tiny plush elephant as a promotional item for condoms
Right?
But how could I make up this stuff
Kabirrenn I already explained why the elephant makes perfect sense
it's a dumbo to accompany yo jumbo dong. classic brand strategy
I try not to think about it too much
KabirDo you know how they would greet your dad in subsaharan Africa?
"Djambo, jumbo dumbo."
Do you know how they would greet him before offering him a classic Cajun meal?
Lev"sir this is a family restaurant please put your giant dick away"
Kabir"Jambo, jumbo dumbo. Gumbo?"
I have like 50 of these lined up

crash.

Asadrenn, is Kabir being totally insufferable?
Also if need you to share all these sordid escapades, that'll be great thanks
KabirThere was no sordidity, was an exceedingly wholesome trip
5/7 perfect score
We saw coral, fish, a 500 year old tree. Crashed a motorbike and made renn scared of bikes (sorry renn)
They got terribly sunburnt, classic
Levno shit, what happened with the bike crash?
Kabirwe died.

bibimbap.

Levactually I'll probably end up going to food :c
hope it’s werth it bruh
Levprolly noy
t
Our language skills are really deteriorating here
Levwhatabup bibimbap
I hope you’ll have bibimbap
LevI'm not a particularly big fan of it
I just want to say the name
but it sounds gross
Bibimbapsolutely gross

mr worldwide.

LevI'd be particularly down for africa
I want to see some giraffes and shit
they got giraffes there?
I mean a couple maybe
I can ask for their inventory
I would personally like to go to Malaysia/Indonesia/Philippines
They have cool caves and beaches and waterfalls
LevI am down for that too
Love the enthusiasm
One trip to Mexico and you're suddenly Mr Worldwide
Levbro, I've always been mr worldwide
too lazy to get up worldwide
is there a less spicy version of this dish worldwide

stud.

so you were wearing it the first time I met you
Levno
that night I had a hitchhiker's guide costume
aka a towel
0.1% effort
Levyou know, all the people I have sex with give me that nickname
you a stud
0.1% stud
Levthat's also what they tell me when they friendzone me
0.1% stud
99.9% bud

I can log into his Steam account and you can play on mine

LevI can log into his Steam account and you can play on mine
ok I'm in
hacked ya
LevGottem
oh my god bro
you have a problem
LevShhhhhhh
Games are the most cost-effective entertainment
books
LevNah
the three body problem was 11 bucks
I've been reading it for 5 months

Why are you doing this

LevWhy are you doing this
cause you hate it
LevWhen did our friendship become like this
was it ever anything else
I don't remember
I'm sure that at some point we were normal with each other
maybe the first two weeks

redhead.

I'm the last redheaded russian standing
Levwas she redheaded?
I thought she was blonde
also, are you not a fake redhead
Shhhh
Nobody has to know
Is anybody a real anything anyways
Levyou're a real jackass is what
I'm a real piece of work
Artwork

kiting.

How was your kiting thing
Levkiting was fun
I took a spill
so now I have to spend every morning latherin myself in neosporin
But what a story to tell huh?
"Oh man, those are some badass scars, what happened?"
"Kites happened"
LevFought the wind
The wind won