lev antique.

AsadI came across a shoppe here called Lev Antique. Reminded me of how old and fat you are.
LevReally? I came across a shop called "Asad". Didn't remind me of anyone.

leatherbound dick.

KabirListen here, children, you all gather 'round
to listen to the history of one man's frown--
it's a tale of hardship, and it might make you sick--
It's the terrible story, of Leatherbound Dick
y'see there once was a guy, who was lookin' to fuck
and he swam and he combed through the internet's muck
he found several above a 7 of 10
and he invited a few back to his den
And one particular night it had gotten quite steamy,
the music and light through the windows were dreamy
The lights were turned off and the bedcovers thrown
to better be able to help this girl moan--
That's when she slipped down from the cool of the sheets
to kneel on the carpeted floor on her knees
and with tongue and a flick and two lips and two hands,
she went right at work to pleasure this man
But she couldnt.
No matter what happened, this Richard stayed silent
at half past the hour frustrations grew violent
there was nothing to do--there was no pleasing this prick
and such was the tale, of Leatherbound Dick.
*curtain*

knock.

knock knock joke with walter white from Breaking Bad:
knock kno...
I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS

high note.

Asadfuck that was awesome
im gonna end on a high note here
nightio
KabirThat was the lowest note
anyone could possibly end on
Levnot only was it a low note
it was also flat
AsadYou're just jealous guyzz
Kabirit's true, I am jealous
everyday I'm just like,
"Man, why can't I be as bad at jokes as Asad"
LevHe's been working really hard at it all summer

finding memo.

we should video chat on g+
and watch finding memo on youtube
nemo*
LevI like finding memo
a heartwarming tale of a man who seeks only to discover when casual day at work is

multitasking.

I'm going to need you to fabricate a chat log
for an alibi
Levof course, because chatting on your phone means you were not at the crime scene
I just imagined hacking up a bitch with one hand and trying to text you with the other
so rude of me
the last thing this woman is going to see is another bitch that isn't even fucking paying attention
Levyou were never one for social conventions

желдт.

AsadThe Veldt
Kabir'the Veldt'?
LevThe Veldt
AsadTHE veldt
LevtHe VelDT
Kabir...
I hate you guys

steam troubles.

you still haven't played braid, have you?
Levno
I downloaded it today
turns out I had bought it at some point in the past
fucking Steam
you get blackout drunk once during a christmas sale
and spend the next 6 months finding games you bought
it's like you made little presents for yourself in the future
awww, that's nice of past you

no baker.

Asadi am sending you this song on spotify
which you shall enjoy on your noice speakers
Levsounds sketch
are you trying to trick me into sex again?
It might have worked the first dozen times
but I am no baker
it shan't work for the thirteenth

waterbed.

a waterbed?
do you think I live in 1987?
LevI think you live in Bulgaria
which is stuck in '87
hey man, fuck you
we're building a second subway line
so suck on both my dicks
Levone per subway line?

vicious gamer.

Levwe also have to play a video game
any video game
that's fine with me
rollecoaster tycoon?
or any tycoon will do, really
there's a pizza one
mmm
Levthat's
you're awful
there's a prison one, too
but I think that's more a simulation program
or we can always play fruit ninja
but I'll warn you
I can get pretty vicious

shitload.

Levjesus fuck
KabirOkay not a literal pound
But a shitload
Levaccording to my scale
a pound is usually a shitload for me
Kabir...Are you saying that you weigh yourself before and after?
Or do you just shit on a scale

pity points.

Levit is impressive how my boner is so large and virile that I can debauch Asad across the Atlantic
KabirIt isnt
You just fly out every night to feel, for a moment
That someone wants to touch your boner
like a boner santa
KabirThe airlines usually let you just stowaway in cargo, claiming that you've paid in full in 'pity points',
as they've come to call them

hashtags.

good night levv#
i gotta start using hashtags
#idontgettheappealofthis
Levplease do not
or you will just be a dick
#zzzzzzz
LevWe can't be friends anymore

schizophonic.

LevMy headphones are short circuiting
so every time there's a loud bit they shock my ear
which has the side effect of me flinching and swearing while I walk down the street
KabirYay, schizophrenic for a day