well no you don't want me to fuck my car
so you're phobic
you're a hater
Levlike I don't actively want you to
but I'm not against it
I'm just saying it's up to the car
how does a car give consent
Levvroom vroom noises
what even is this conversation
Levyou wanted a goddamn book club
this is the book club
where's the book part
LevI don't know man someone's probably written the book on how to fuck your car
I know exactly who
LevI do not enjoy this
did they fucking blur the plates on the car
like they're protecting its identity
Levare they going to stay under the covers the whole time?
yeah for a show named Sex Tape this thing is surprisingly tame
though looking at some of these people
not seeing any of the action may be a good thing
Levehh
fucking in those white duvets makes them look like they're wearing robes and ku klux klapping them cheeks
what's your myers briggs type
Levwas intp I think
ok
Levy
mind your own business
some of these midgets are suspiciously tall
Levwhat are you talking about
we've not all been afraid that we were the first man to be pregnant
by definition half the people on earth can't even have that problem
you didn't either
what, you didn't get your period one month?
get outta here and stop trying to relate to me
Levrenn, it's even worse
I didn't get my period any month
oh that's good that's good
say more stupid shit like that
gets me all riled up for our fight later
my couch is 89% farts after your visit
I'm scared to make sudden movements on it
lest they be released
Levit's like with global warming
how a small temp change can release all the c02
causing more heat
causing more co2 release
but it's farts
coincidentally
also a greenhouse gas
things ain't lookin good for me in the next two months
maybe the answer is more plants
ugh, what am I saying
of course the answer is more plants
Levok nevermind I think she may have fallen asleep
ah so now you come crawling back to ye old fren ren
LevI didn't say that
but I won't argue if you try to mobilize kabir into some games
bitch who is in the same house as him right now
Levyou are in the same emotional house
what does that even mean
Levyou occupy the same emotional domicile
I tried to convince him
he resisted my charms
Levshocking
wow so happy I'm sticking around for these fun quips from you
Levwhat do you want man
I'm not some kind of quip machine
you can't put coins in me and get quips
at least not good ones
yeah no kidding
how long did she cry for when you came back
Levnot very long
it wasn't full on weeping
just a few sobs and tears
well tell her to chill out
Levjust cause you're too callous and dead inside to give me a proper weep every once in a while
bruh I do it for you
I don't cry in front of you cause you got the emotional capacity of a spork
Levdude sporks can hold so much emotion
cause they got the little bit where the soup goes
it can also hold emotion
Levthat ended up implying much darker things
than I first planned
tis an unfortunate time for dark jokes
Levman you were really attached to that tooth
technically
it was attached to me
Levdepends on which piece you see as the main piece
the tooth is a pretty main piece
but I'm the whole damn cake
Man, I just latched on to the first man that came to my house
I was like “I hate the way he looks but I can change everything about him when he moves in”
Only thing I can’t change is the name though
so Jules it is
Levthe basis of a strong relationship
"I hate everything about you but at least it is mutable"
"I will forge you into the husband I desire"
“Luckily for you, I like a project”
Lev"You will bend to my will like spaghet in hot water"
I still have to pick the main personality trait for your character
not many options I'm afraid
Levis big pp energy not an available trait?
Popularity maybe?
Levno no
or Creativity, because your imagination is running wild
I want a new profile photo
but dacha life has made me homely
even more homely*
Levyou been there like 4 days
bruh it's been 3 weeks
but let's face it, I had fully devolved by the 4th day already
Levit's like when supercooled water just needs one crystal
and becomes ice immediately
I am indeed as cool as ice
Or I guess I become as cool as ice when exposed to the crystal of living with my parents
Bruh that’s called passion
And pizzazz
And I have it
Levthe only pizzazz you got is falling asleep after eating a margherita
The only pizzazz you get is while preparing the dough cause what a fuckin stretch that was
my mom has a masters in chemical engineering
if chemistry wasn't my weakest subject in high school, maybe I would have studied that
materials engineering looks like fun
Levit was the hardest engineering at penn
notoriously
I like a challenge
I'll study some crystals
or a rock or two
Levare those the two materials you know
diamonds
I guess that's also a rock
Levkinda?
it's just expensive carbon
I've already failed the entrance exam
"name three materials"
I guess I can drink spritz at the dacha
my parents loved it too
Levhonestly tho
who doesn't?
guys who try to compensate for a small pp with manly drinks
like, say
whisky
Levbro
honey whiskey
not sure that's exactly john wayne territory
what are you talking about
honey?
like the honey they put in mead?
aka a drink for vikings?
bruh
Levbro you right
I'm so manly john wayne would suck my dick just to get a taste of the man juice
well
nvm